Thursday, December 17, 2009

Dear Santa

I love seeing a beautifully decorated house at Christmas time and a buffet table laden with the Christmas finery and the foods of the season is truly a sight to behold. But, sometimes it just becomes too much. In many blogs and comments I've read lately I'm hearing stress and fatique and a sense of just not being able to do it all. I blame Martha Stewart. I found the following letter to Santa which pretty well sums up how I feel about Martha and her "never lower your standards" attitude about "gracious living". I have abridged the letter becuase it is very long. I have no information about who to attribute it to, but I like the way the writer thinks.

Dear Santa,

I rarely ask for much. This year is no exception. I don't need diamond earrings or comfy slippers. I only want one little thing and I want it deeply.

I want to slap Martha Stewart.

Now, hear me out, Santa. I won't scar her or draw blood, or anything. Just one good smack, right across her smug little cheek. I get all cozy inside just thinking about it. Don't grant this wish just for me, do it for millions of women across the country. Through sheer vicarious satisfaction, you'll be giving a gift to us all. Those of us leading average, garden variety lives aren't so overly concerned with gracious living.

We feel pretty good about ourselves if our plates match when we stack them on the counter, buffet-style for dinner. We're tired of Martha showing us how to make centerpieces from hollyhock dipped in 18-carat gold. We're plumb out of liquid gold, unless it's of the furniture polish variety. We can't whip up Martha's creamy holiday sauce spiced with turmeric. Most of us can't even find the turmeric, let alone figure out what to do with it.

Martha tells us that she's already making homemade holiday gifts for friends. Not just gifts, but "amazing" gifts. Martha's obviously not shy about giving herself a little pat on the back.

The letter goes on this way for a while and and ends with;

There you have it, Santa. If there was ever someone who deserved a good smack, it's Martha Stewart. But I bet I won't get my gift this year.

You probably want to smack her yourself.

Don't let trying to do it Martha's way get you down

As Helen Keller said:

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.

Keep it simple and enjoy the season


  1. Well, I don't condone hitting, but she is a bit smug! Luckily, I'm one of those people who thinks it's OK to have dust bunnies at Christmas!

  2. I'd be happy with matching plate.

    PS: I bet ol' Martha can sew a mean Christmas prison jumpsuit!

  3. You said it sister. Too often we type A-perfectionist types forget that Dear Martha has a staff of hundreds while we're just a lonely farm chick tryin' to do it ALL!

    You have a beautifully blessed day and yea, I'll try to relax. Really I will! Lord help me.....

  4. Well I´m back. Again we had no internet for 2 days! It´s so maddening!
    I so agree with you on this post! I am trying to keep it simple. I didn´t go crazy baking, I just bought lots of stuff and stuffed it in the freezer. I bought simple gifts and have finished almost everything.
    Today my daughter is an airplane flying home! She arrives tomorrow afternoon in Asuncion. My other daughter Michelle is picking her up and then they come home, next week Tuesday. I´m sooo psyched! :)
    Hope you are good Jeanie!

  5. I have never seen a Martha Stewart Show... but I am sure I would want to slap her one too!
    Have a wonderful Christmas.. minus the stress.

  6. A long-overdue visit and I apologize for being such a slug, ha! But what a nice time I had scrolling down and catching up. You know, one of the nicest Valentines day dinners I ever had was at a friend's house...she invited Dear Hubby and I and 3 other couple over for dinner with her and her husband. One of the most gracious hostesses around. And none of her china matches. She uses candles everywhere for 'atmosphere'. Her overall decorating style is Victorian Goodwill. Deliberately, for the most part. She's just one of those gifted people that way. And you go to her home and feel 'enveloped' with ease and comfort. One of the most enjoyable dinner parties ever! Martha Stewart? Who's THAT?!? HA!