My best friend died from breast cancer about 8 years ago. We had been best friends for over 40 years when she died. As always, during her illness we talked a lot and got together from time to time even though we lived about 700 miles apart. There is one conversation I still remember nearly every day....every time I take a bath.
When she was ill, one of the things that helped ease her pain was taking a hot bath. The day of the conversation that I remember had been a rough day for her. While her mom, who was helping to care for her, was gone to run some errands she got into the bathtub hoping to get a little relief from her pain. She called me from the bathtub, saying she was home alone and too weak to get our of the tub on her own and that this was the first time that had happened to her. There was, of course, nothing I could do to help her out of the tub from 700 miles away, so we talked. We talked about her illness and her fears, we talked about her kids and mine, we talked about all the things we normally talked about. Even talking for a long period was difficult for her at that stage of her illness, so we also shared moments of silence from 700 miles away.
Even after all the years I still think of our conversation, one of the last I had with her, every time I take a bath. It makes me feel a lot of things, but the greatest thing I feel about it is gratitude. I am grateful that I can still get out of the bathtub with ease, I am grateful for the friendship we had, I am grateful that we got to have one last conversation about the things we had talked about for years, I am grateful that I am the one she reached out to in what was a frightening first in the course of her illness, and I am grateful for the comfort we both felt with each other in the moments of silence.
That is an amazing story. We never know when we will be able to be there for a friend or family member. So glad you could be there for her. I did have lots of conversations with my Best Friends Mom who was in a nursing home and decided to give up and not eat. It was such a hard time...finally after a week of this I called my friend in New York and said she had to come and be with her Mom. I will never forget those times.
ReplyDeleteHow are you liking our new snow and cold? Yikes (o:
What a moving story! It is moments like yours that make me feel grateful for what I do have, rather than wanting what I don't.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you left a lasting imprint of your friendship with your dear friend. I can only imagine how grateful she felt that you picked up the phone that day!
Beautiful post!
That was a wonderful story! I know it must make you feel so good that you were able to be there for your friend!
ReplyDeleteOnly real friends are comfortable with silence. I know she was thankful that you answered the phone that day. Thanks for sharing such a special story.
ReplyDeletewhat a great memory....I love soaking in a tub...thank you for sharing your story....
ReplyDeleteWonderful thoughts of a friend!
ReplyDeleteThis was a moving tribute to your friend.
ReplyDeleteTo be so comfortable with each other in the times of silence say so much about your level of comfort with each other. And it tells what a wonderful friend you are to those around you. The phone call from your friend was not about you and your sadness knowing your friend was so ill; it was about your being there for her when she reached out to you.
ReplyDeleteAmazing and beautiful story of love and friendship. My best friend from England visited me a few days ago. She is very ill and waiting for a double kidney transplant and (a pancreas, she says.) She has been diabetic since age 6, and is now 53. She takes 20 pills a day, including morphine and keeps falling asleep. Every time I see her, I wonder if this is the last time, so I treasure every moment with Vickie.
ReplyDeleteThat is a beautiful story. Some people are so awkward talking with a terminally ill person that they fade from the person's life. Your relationship held strong, and that's a gift for both of you.
ReplyDeleteSuch a beautiful and heartwarming story, Jeanie.
ReplyDeleteI remember when I tended to my friend who died of Lou Gehrig's disease. She lived for 6 months after she was diagnosed and I had the priviledge of being with her nearly every day during her declining months. These kinds of memories dig deep into our souls and will forever leave a sweetness filled with joyful memories.
I am so glad you were able to be a quiet and comforting presence in your friend's life.
Sending you blessings...
True friends are always there when we need them most. They do not need do or say anything. Being there is enough. You are a true friend.
ReplyDeletePoignant and beautiful post. What a true and lovely friendship you two shared.
ReplyDeleteThat broke my heart a little. What a wonderful story about your dear friend. Friendships are so important in life and this sounds like it was one of the best.
ReplyDeleteCheers, jj
This is such a beautiful post, Jeanie. You were a wonderful friend that she was able to rely on. I have a couple of friends right now who are having a difficult time, but I'm so far away. I hate the thought of losing a friend. I'm sending you lots of aloha all the way from Hawaii.
ReplyDeleteWhat a poignant post. My friend Carmen in a survivor. I will think about you and your dear, departed friend the next time I take a soak...
ReplyDeleteThis post very nearly made me cry, Jeanie. My friend Patricia, whom I've written about on my blog, also died from breast cancer about eight years ago -- after a most valiant fight. To read of your friendship reminds me of mine. And yes, the gratitude of it all. We often forget the simple things we take for granted. We never should. This one is a little gem.
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